This year hit me with a few surprises.  As I look back, I want to share the gifts that I'm thankful for this year.

• Local midwives: Bethany Page and Rachel Andresen were a Godsend when I was unable to serve my clients. They stepped up and took excellent care of my clients
• My clients: my clients were understanding and supportive while I was in the middle of my health crisis and as I recovered. I was touched by their kindness and accommodation of my situation
• Babies: babies are always a gift, but attending births after I had recovered was extra special.
• My husband:From insisting I go to the Emergency Room, to bringing me food and Sonic Cherry Limeades while in the hospital, to driving me to my appointments and taking or picking up birth supplies from the local midwives, not to mention cooking, laundry and taking care of me, he was my rock.
• My son: My son helped where he could. Hospital visits, phone calls, staying with me when my husband needed to go out but I wasn't in condition yet to be left alone. Encouraging me to rest and recover, encouraging me to go slow and ease back into things.  He even cleaned my kitchen when I just wasn't able to do it myself.
• My midwifery assistant: She was also my home health nurse so she knew what medical issues and challenges I was dealing with. From carrying my bags so I wasn't lifting too much to reminding me to eat, drink and take breaks, she was a huge blessing.
• My medical providers: The surgical team checked on me every single day I was in the hospital.  They did a great job letting me know what I would need to do to navigate life after I got home.  I wouldn't be writing this if it wasn't for them.

This year gave me huge challenges, but it also gave me so many gifts. I am truly blessed to be a midwife and amazed and thankful for so much support this year.

I love reading books, and I delighted in sharing that love with my sons. Reading stories together was such a sweet time, and the holidays made it a little sweeter. I'm sharing my favorite Christmas books for children and grown ups too. I personally adored reading Letters From Father Christmas two years ago, and one my favorite books as a child was The Littlest Angel. 
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• Moo, Baa, Falalalalala by Sandra Boynton
• The Snowman by Raymond Briggs
• Bear Stays Up by Karma Wilson and Jane Chapman
• Merry Christmas Mom and Dad by Mercer Mayer
• How the Grinch Stole Christmas by Dr. Seuss
• If You Take A Mouse to the Movies by Laura Numeroff
• Oliva helps with Christmas by Ian Falconer
• The Night Before Christmas by Charles Santore
• Paddington and the Christmas Suprise by Michael Bond
• The Polar Express by Chris Van Allsburg
• Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer by Robert L. May
• The Littlest Angel by Charles Tazewell
• The Tale of Three Trees retold by Angela Elwell Hunt
• Letters From Father Christmas by J. R. R Tolkein
• The Life and Adventures of Santa Clause by L. Frank Baum

These books warm my heart and bring back delightful memories. I hope they bring you and your family some joy too.

As you may know from an earlier blog post, I have had a major health issue.  I thought I should share some updates about what is going on, and what things are planned as I continue working on my health.

I had surgery in September to try reversing the colostomy.  Unfortunately, that did not happen.  The biggest reason is I still have inflammation in parts of my abdomen.  The plan to move forward is that I will give my body another 6 months to continue healing from my ruptured sigmoid colon and we will try another surgery to reverse the colostomy.  I will most likely need 4 to 6 weeks to recover.  Right now, we are planning the surgery for May. 

I learned a few days after my September surgery that I have severe arthritis in my left knee and will need to have my knee replaced at some point in the future. Due to the risks of infection settling into a replacement joint, a knee replacement won't be an option before colostomy reversal surgery and recovery in May.  It might be pushed down the road awhile if cortisol injections in the knee let me move normally, but at some point I will be getting a new left knee. 

I am prioritizing my health. I'm focusing on eating protein, fruits and veggies while reducing sugar and avoiding processed foods. I am trying to get 7 or more hours of good sleep every night (unless I'm needed at a birth). I'm doing exercises to strengthen my hips, core and legs, and I'm lifting weights to build more muscle. I'm going for walks and using an elliptical for a good cardio workout. I'm doing what I can to be strong and healthy before the next surgery to try to reverse the colostomy.

There will be a period of time when I will not be attending births next year. I will not be taking clients whose estimated due date window falls within my surgery date, or my anticipated recovery time.  I'm working to be stronger and healthier, and to be able to better serve my clients as a result of focusing on my health.

If you are a subscriber to my blog, you may have noticed I haven't published any new posts in over a month and wondered why. Well, I had a medical emergency and needed all my energy and attention for that. This blog post is about what happened.

I had a sudden onset of low abdominal pain. It was pretty strong pain, but I was hoping it would resolve if I gave it some time. I had prenatals scheduled for that day and decided I would finish them. The pain kept gradually increasing and after I finished my last appointment, my husband took me to the Emergency Room. Once I was seen in the ER, they did a few tests and diagnosed a perforated colon. The hospital I went to could not take care of me so they sent me to Stormont-Vail in Topeka.

When I got to Topeka, the doctors there decided the best course of action was to monitor me and hope things calmed down so I could have a planned surgery instead of having an emergency surgery. About 18 hours after I arrived, my heart decided it was time to make it clear I needed emergency surgery. I do not know how long I was in surgery, but when I came around after the emergency surgery, the surgeon told me I was the second worst case he's seen. He had found a 4 inch hole in my colon. The surgeon had to remove my entire Sigmoid colon and he gave me a colostomy.  

I spent 5 days in the ICU because I had become severely septic. My heart continued to have issues ranging from a dangerously high heart rate to a dangerously slow heart rate. My labs showed really high white blood cell counts and I kept running fevers. After 5 days I went to the post surgical wing in the hospital.  This was where I started walking again using a walker, and could finally eat what few food options were available for me. Just walking down the hall and back to my room would make me so tired I had to take a nap. When I came home after 10 days in the hospital, all I did for the first 3 weeks was sleep up to 16 hours a day.  I was anemic so I started Floradix to get my hemoglobin into a good place, I went for walks with the hubby who encouraged me to walk a little farther every day, and I worked on increasing flexibility and mobility. 

It's been a few weeks and each day I notice improvement. I'm able to move easier, and I'm walking faster.  Some days I still need a nap, and other days I just need to take a break and rest in the afternoon. As part of my health journey, I will have surgery in a few months to reverse the colostomy. 

I'm so thankful for the midwives who were willing to step in and take care of my clients, and for my client's understanding of my situation. I'm thankful for my family who has been incredibly supportive and helpful as I work on recovering. I'm thankful for the medical care I received. Most of all, I am thankful that I am here to enjoy my family, my work, and my life.   
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Midwifery is so much more than catching babies.

Midwifery is....

Midwifery is dashing out the door to attend a birth at a moment's notice.
Midwifery is gambling that there won't be a birth when you have a medical appointment for yourself scheduled.
Midwifery is constantly learning, whether it's to keep up with the very latest recommendations, or researching something a client is experiencing.
Midwifery is telling clients hard things, sharing findings that may be serious.
Midwifery is providing options and letting clients decide what option is best for them.
Midwifery is recognizing your own personal anxieties and making sure you don't project them into a situation a client is experiencing.
Midwifery is acknowledging the grief of a birth not going how it was initially planned.
Midwifery is holding space for clients to express fear, pain, frustration.
Midwifery is holding back your own tears so clients can fully express their emotions.
​Midwifery is handing a client tissues as they cry.
Midwifery is crying with clients when things are hard.
Midwifery is answering questions.
Midwifery is educating clients about what is happening with their bodies.
Midwifery is loosing yourself as you look into baby's eyes in the first moments after birth.
Midwifery is celebrating the amazing joy that birth brings.
Midwifery is learning to listen to and trust your intuition.
Midwifery is an adrenaline rush.

Midwifery is all of this and so much more.