Newborns and sleep, two words that don't always go together.  Newborns wake up at all times of the day and night to eat, complain about soiled diapers and sometimes it seems, just to exercise their lungs.  Everyone has opinions and ideas about how to get your newborn to sleep through the night.  

There are books about getting your baby to sleep through the night, you can take classes or hire someone to come into your home and "train" your baby to sleep through the night.  I have some opinions on the idea of getting your baby to sleep through the night.   

There is the thought that once baby reaches a certain weight (12-13 lbs is considered the standard), baby should sleep through the night.  Not all babies know this. Sleep is more of a neurological and development issue than a weight issue.  Not every baby has made the developmental advances at 13 lbs they need to sleep through the night.  

There is also the idea that once baby reaches a certain age they should sleep through the night.  Depending on what source you are referencing, this can be 3 months old, 4 months old, 6 months old etc.  Again, not all babies know this.  Just as babies grow at different rates, babies make the developmental advances to sleep through the night at different ages, so a "one size fits all" approach should not be applied to when  baby should sleep through the night. 

If you want to try sleep training, there are some milestones and markers that I feel need to be present before beginning. 

• Your baby should be gaining weight without any issues.
• Your baby is at least 4 months old
• Your baby has transitioned to or has their own sleep space
• Your baby has shown the ability to self-soothe
• You and baby have a bedtime routine in place
• You and your family are ready to navigate sleep training

One way to "sleep train" your baby is to let them cry it out.  This involves putting baby to bed and then ignoring thier crying for however long they take to exhaust themselves and fall asleep.  It could be 10 minutes, or hours.  I am not a fan of this method for many reasons, especially how stressful it is on baby and parents.  

Other sleep training methods include shortening the amount of time you rock baby before laying them down, setting your chair farther and farther away from the crib each bedtime, or having intervals before coming back in to soothe baby.  If you do decide to use one of these methods, make sure you understand it and are comfortable with it.  Remember, it is training so it may take some time before baby figures out the goal is to sleep through the night on a consistent basis. 

Some families solve the sleep dilemma by co-sleeping, whether that means baby shares the bedroom with parents, or baby shares the bed with parents.  I feel bed sharing is an acceptable option, and yes I know many organizations such as the American Academy of Pediatrics disagree, although they do recommend that baby sleeps in the same room as the parents for at least the first 6 months of life.  I do have criteria (using Unicef guidelines)  that I feel make bed sharing a reasonable option.  Those criteria are:

• a non-smoking household
• no illicit drug use
• no alcohol use
• not using prescription drugs that have drowsiness as a side effect
• the mattress used should be firm
• baby should not be near pillows, or have their face covered with blankets

There is no "perfect" way to get baby to sleep through the night, and there is no "one size fits all" solution.  What works best for you and your family is the best solution, even if it is different than what other families choose to do.  What is important is that you and baby get good sleep, and that you are comfortable with whatever decisions you make regarding how to get baby to sleep longer, and eventually through the night.

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How does a parent get sleep with a newborn?  How often should a newborn nurse?  Will this ever end?  I think every parent asks some version of these questions.  I know I did when I had babies.  I learned so much about navigating that time that I thought it might be helpful if I shared my knowledge.

To answer the last question first, yes this season ends.  It's not the end though.  Babies eventually turn into teenagers who will again keep you up at night like when they were newborns but this time you are wondering if they are ok, and when they will come home from an evening with friends.  But I digress....

How often should a newborn nurse?  My answer is as often as they want.  It can be 30 minutes after they just finished nursing, or a few hours after.  I'm not a fan of putting newborns on a schedule for many reasons.  They are learning to eat so they need lots of practice.  The digestive system is also learning how to process what they eat.  They are growing so fast that they need to eat a lot and that is normal.  Nursing when they want helps encourage and establish a good breast milk supply.  I prefer that newborns don't go longer than 3 hours between nursing sessions.  It's something I ask about at postpartum visits and we discuss what your baby's nursing pattern is, how well they are growing, and if anything needs to be tweaked.  Also, be aware that the longer baby goes between nursing sessions at nights, the sooner your cycle will return (if you are one of those lucky women for whom nursing keeps periods at bay), so there is a small benefit to waking up often to nurse baby.

How does a parent with a newborn get sleep?  I have lots of suggestions for this based on what I did wrong with my first child.  Baby should be in the same room as Mom, next to the bed if you are not comfortable with bed sharing.  As soon as you hear baby waking up, that's the time to gather up the pillows on the bed, and create a nest with any support you might need and start nursing baby.  You may drowse while baby is nursing, and when they are done everyone can reposition for more sleep. That is so much more restful than getting up to get baby from another room and then nursing them in a room other than your bedroom, hoping they will settle and go back to sleep in their own bed and then trying to get back to sleep yourself before baby wakes to nurse again. When baby naps, you should nap.  It's tempting to want to try to get a few things on your to do list done, but you and your family will benefit more if you get in a nap or two during the day than if you run yourself ragged trying to complete your to do list.  Enlist the help of friends and family, or hire a postpartum doula to help keep up with basic household tasks.  If you are a regular blog reader, you know I am a huge proponent of having a postpartum plan.  Planning can go a long way towards setting life up so you can sleep and rest more. 

The sleep deprivation that comes from caring for a newborn can feel like it will last forever, but it is a short season in your parenting journey. Sleep is vital for your recovery and health, so be strategic and proactive to create space for sleep. In my midwifery practice, I try to help clients think through what they might want or need before baby arrives.  I want my clients to be prepared, and equipped for a postpartum that supports rest and recovery and meets their wants and needs, including sleep.