When I had my sons, we did not have family close by and had a handful of friends we had made between births that we had just moved 40 minutes away from.  I had no posptartum support after my first child.  Postpartum support after my second child consisted of a friend providing one meal and another friend sending a balloon bouquet to big brother.  I've thought a lot about those days and ways family and friends who are far away can help with supporting the family in the postpartum period. In serving Manhattan KS and surrounding areas with a highly mobile military and student population, I want to share my ideas so family and friends who aren't local can help provide some postpartum support.  

• Give gift cards for restaurants.
• Give gift cards for Ubereats, Doordash or other delivery services.
  • Helpful for those times when making a meal is just too much to manage.
• Pay for a meal service like HelloFresh or Freshly.
  • Some services offer allergy free options which is great for families with food allergies/sensitivities.
• Pay for lawn mowing services.
• Pay for a few sessions or a few months of housecleaning.
• Mail a package for siblings with books, snacks, toys etc.
  • Not only will big brother or sister be excited to get a package, having something new will keep them occupied, hopefully for a few days.
• Check in on a regular basis to see how Mom, Dad and family are doing.
  • Be mindful to listen well and not be judgemental or offer advice unless asked.
• Be available whenever Mom or Dad needs to vent by phone or video chat.
  • Sometimes we just need someone to listen and acknowledge they heard us.
• Be available for a video call or phone call when Mom is nursing, or parents need a break/distraction for siblings.
  • I once desperately needed a break so I called my husband on his lunch break at work. He was not in but his coworker who answered the phone was willing to sing the ABC song with my toddler for 10 minutes which gave me a much needed chance to step away and take a few deep breaths.
• Consider asking local friends in the area to join a meal train, or schedule a time to stop by and do a quick chore like starting laundry or loading the dishwasher.
• Offer to read a story over the phone or  by video call to baby and/or siblings.
  • This could become a regular thing that everyone looks forward to.

I hope these ideas help friends and family who aren't close by to be able to share in the joys and work of the postpartum period.  I know how hard it is to be far away from loved ones and how nice it is to be able to do something to help.  Being able to help will let you be more connected with the postpartum family and believe me, every bit of help is deeply appreciated.  I will never forget Brett's kindness in singing with my toddler, or how excited my son got when packages from Grandma who lived accross the country arrived.   

Let me know what ideas you have in the comments below and I'll be sure to add them to my list.   Here's a printable version to share with friends and family.

Researchers are testing a new pill to treat postpartum depression.  I am happy to hear there will be more options for those who have postpartum depression.  However, I see the same pattern again.  Mainstream medical care focuses on treating the symptoms, but it isn't all that proactive at addressing the causes. 

Postpartum depression affects the entire family, not just Mom.  It is estimated that up to 25% of partners will suffer with postpartum depression, and that number skyrockets to 50% if Mom has postpartum depression.  In 2018, the results of a study done in the United Kingdom shows that postpartum depression affects the children in the home.  The children have developmental delays, higher rates of behavorial problems, are more likely to drop out of high school and are more likely to struggle with depression in the teen years.  Postpartum depression has a ripple effect that can last for years and affects more than just the mother.

Outcomes would be better, recovery times would be shortened and families would be healthier and happier if we gave priority to eliminating or reducing the causes of postpartum depression instead of developing an IV treament or pill to treat the symptoms of postpartum depression.  From an economic standpoint, heading off postpartum depression before it starts would reduce health insurance costs, and keep the family from having decreased earnings as a result of the family having to navigate life when one or more members is dealing with postpartum depression.  

What would happen if we actually supported women and families during the postpartum period?  What if we talked about what to expect in the postpartum period instead of glossing it over?  What if we normalized that postpartum can be a challenging time?  What if we sent midwives to check in with mothers before the six week appointment?  What if we did more than a phone call in the first few days after birth to check on the family?  What if support for new families involved more than a meal train the first week or so?  What if someone came in a few hours a day to do laundry, dishes, floors, and maybe stay with baby while the parents get a shower and take a nap?  What if our country decided to join the rest of the industrialized world and instituted a national policy requiring paid parental leave?  What if we stopped focusing on the short term costs, and started focusing on the long term benefits of investing in and supporting new and growing families?

Postpartum is a wonderful, challenging time.  As a midwife, I try my best to help families smooth out the rough spots and manage the challenges.  I am a huge fan of postpartum planning.  Doing more postpartum visits than just the one at 6 weeks is one way I am making a difference.  Checking in more lets me assess how well mother is recovering, and to monitor for unwelcome things like postpartum exhaustion, anxiety and depression.  Being able to catch these things early is key to keeping mothers and families safe and healthy in the postpartum period.  There is a saying that an ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure.  I agree and as a home birth midwife,  I feel I am making a difference by focusing on prevention so families don't have to suffer while they wait for a cure to kick in.

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